The Cullen Clan's Day Off
by X alisunshine X
Summary: Ever wonder what the Cullens do on their days off? What crazy moments they must have? Well, now you can know! Someone has finally decided to document it all! Please R&R, atlease READ! Rated Teen for Safety. Sorry if any spelling mistakes. I can't spell.
1. The Cullen Clan

Disclaimer: Twilight sadly is not mine.

Author Note: This beginning might suck. It was meant to be funny but…. Sorry about the cheese wiz of a beginning. Please Read and Review because I'll be needing ideas soon!

To The Tune of The Brady Bunch Theme Song

Here's the story of a lovely lady  
who "adopted" two very lovely girls  
all of them had eyes of gold, like their "mother".  
the youngest one named Rose..alie.

Here's the story of a man named Carlisle  
Who save three very hansome boys.  
The girls and boys, were paired together  
Yet one was all alone

Till the one day when Edward met his singer  
And the others knew that it was much more than a hunch,  
That they two must somehow form a family,  
That's the way they all became the Cullen Clan.

The Cullen Clan, the Cullen Clan.  
That's the way they all became the Cullen Clan.


	2. Magical Bella

Disclaimer: I own Twilight

Disclaimer: I own Twilight…. Just kidding. No really I don't own it so don't get any ideas!

A/N: Yeah. R&R and Give me ideas and I'll use them and I'll give you credit! Yayyyy credit!! This Chapter might not be funny also, because I don't know where to start

All the Cullens _Minus Bella_ were sitting in their living room watching the news.

"_I'm bored_" said Emmett.

"Emmett, why are you talking in Italics?" Questioned Carlisle.

"_Because I'm bored!_"

"Okay then."

All of a sudden Bella fell from the sky and landed next to Edward, who was sitting on the floor.

"HEY EDWARD!?" screeched Bella.

"….WHAT THE HELL??"

"I lurve you!" and then Bella kissed Edward.

A/N: GIVE ME IDEAS NAO!


	3. Cooking

Disclaimer- Do I really have to say this? I do not own Twilight CRIES! Or Animal planet

**A/N: Warning: Breaking Dawn Spoiliers (dont blame me i warned you!) **

**review me or no more**

* * *

The Cullens, minus Jasper and Alice, who went away for a week to "hunt", were all in the house entertaining themselves in various ways

Carlislse was counting the hairs on his head, Rosalie was trying on new clothes Alice had given her (as if she needed to try them on; Alice would know that they would fit and Rosalie looked good in anything anyway), Esme was teaching Renesmee how to ride a bike, Emmet and Bella were sitting on the couch watching TV, trying to ignore Edward who was sitting on top of the TV, staring at Bella intensley as he was (once again) attempting (futiley) to read Bella's mind without her lifting her sheild.

They found the gargoyle-like vampire perched on their Tv to be quite annoying, actually, but wouldn't give him the satisfaction of recognizing his presence.

Jacob was outside somewhere in the woods, hitting himself over the head repetedly with a frying pan. But none of the vampires cared about him, they were just glad the stink was temporarily removed from their house.

"Renesmee," Esme cried, "don't bite the tires! They'll go flat!"

"But Auntie, they taste oh so yummy!" countered Renesmee Carlie Culle The Hybrid Vampire, or as the whole vampries called her, Prius.

Bella and Emmet were having a poke fight while flipping through the channels; One vamp would poke the other and they'd have to wait five minutes exactly, then try to see who could poke the other first after exactly 300 seconds.

Suddenly, when Bella poked Emmett, he didn't try to poke her first.

"Emmett," thundered Bella, outraged at his behavior, "what the hell?" His response was completely unexpected.

"BELLAAAAA!! I FOUND SOMETHING GOOD TO WATCH!"

Bella turned towards the Tv and stared, awe-struck, at the amazing pictures that flashed by so fast on the screen that they made up a video.

"Wow, Em. Good choice."

Carlisle, who had stopped couting the hairs on his head to count the dust motes that swirled in the air of his office, heard this exclamation. He hated to abandon his fascinating and important task, but he just simply HAD to know what was going on downstairs. It was just as they said...Curiosity dismembered and then burned the excessively ADD vampire...

He flitted down the stairs in 0.1 seconds, a record for him. He took in the scene before him. (Emmett and Bella practically salivating on the Tv, a drop of venom actually pooled on Emmett's bottom lip and about to fall on the screen, and Edward perched above them, staring so intently at Bella's head that he looked constipated.)

Wiping Emmett's lip so that the venom did not fall on the screen and consequently permanently damage it, he pushed them aside enough so that he could see what show the two were watching, a Animal Planet called the Lion's Hunt.

"What are you watching that is just sooooo interesting?"

"A cooking show."

**_A/N Numero 2: Ok so i give credit to writing this to my friend, madeinchina371 . The idea was mine, but the writing was hers. I could think of a way to write this. _**

**_GO AND READ AND REVIEW HER STORY NAO!! (/s/4510504/1/NotalkingWriteitdownD)_**


	4. Random!

HOWDY

HOWDY!

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT!

I know I haven't updated in a while, because, yeah… this is kind of weird, but yeah, I need something!

Bella:

pokes Emmett and runs

Emmett:

smacks upside the head and then grows giant dragon head and spits out flames of fire, effectively barbequing the small inconsequential being in front of her

Bella:

smacks then rips to shreds and burns

"NOW WHAT?? WHAT NOW RUFFIAN?"

Emmet:

confused by using excessivly big words like antidisestablishmentarianism, he sceamed in terror and run away back to their house so he can ask Alice where the insane asylum is


	5. Colon

**Disclaimer: says really loud like talking to a person who cant understand English and uses a lot of hand movements ME NO OWN TWILIGHT. DO YOU UNDER STAND?**

**A/N Yay! I finally updated. Whose proud of me? I AM! Yay! **

**I had this chapter on my spificilicious iphone but I was to lazy to type it up. So today I learned that you can send things from notepad on your iphone to your computer, and I was like Yeah! So here it is!**

* * *

"Whoa.." Bella said as she at her breakfast of honey nut cheerios. She was sitting at the worn in table, across from her future husband, Edward. Edward was just watched her eat the cereal, fascinated by the process.

"What's wrong?" he questioned

"I just noticed that your last name sound so much like colon. You know what a colon is right? Like there's the spleen and there's the colon? It's a human part."

"I think I would know what a colon is. I've been to school before. Actually for around 80 years I've been going to high school and collage. And you know what. You're actually really right! Out last name does sound like colon."

"Oh my god!! We have to tell the others!!"

"Don't you want to finish eating your cereal?"

"No"

"At least put the dish -"

"TAKE ME!!"

And Edward proceeded with tossing Bella over his shoulders, and running. Before Bella realized she was moving they were there.

And then Bella fell off Edward trying to get off. Quickly she scrambled up and into the house.

"EMMETT ALICE!!"

"Hey Bella" Alice said as he came down the stairs.

"I have something to tell you guys!!"

"You're pregnant!" Emmett said coming in the room from the kitchen.

Why he was in the kitchen we will never know.

"Ha ha ha very funny. You know that's impossible"

"Awwwwww..."

"Why are you sad?"

" Wellllllllll... I saw this commercial on TV from the honeycomb cereal people."

"And that relates to me bring prego how?? which I'm not"

"Well, I'm u had a baby I was going to take it and give it to bees to be raised like in the commercial. Or by fish.. Then it could be a merperson!!"

"Emmett I'm not preggs. Anyway... Edward why are we here again?"

"Colon" was all he said.

"Right! OMG! So while I was eating breakfast I noticed that..."

"That..." Alice and Emmett said in anticipation.

"That... Edward loves me!" she exclaimed

"Ok that's not that cool..." Emmett said disappointed.

"Yeah, we already know that. It's not hard to see."

"Wait that's not all! I also realized that your last name rhymes with colon. So people can like call you Emmett colon and Alice colon!" and with that Bella fell on the floor laughing so hard Edward considered that she might have gone nutzo.

"I GET IT!!" Alice screamed. She started to laugh with Bella on the floor.

"I don't get it..." Emmett said. He looked very disappointed. Edward just hit his head with the palm of his hand.

Ten days later

"I GET IT NOW!!"

Emmett. Carlisle, Jasper, and Edward were on a hunting trip in Canada.

"I have to tell Bella!"

And so Emmett ran home to Bella's house.

At forks (around 1 am)

"Bella!! I GET IT!!" Emmett whisper exclaimed as he climbed up to her room.

When she heard some one come in, she sat up from sleeping.

"Edward?" she said, sleepily. "Your not meant to be back yet….."

"Because I'm not Edward!" He said while she turned on the lights.  
Bella Suddenly passed out.

"Umm.. Bella?" Emmett forgot to "clean him self up". He was mouth, clothes, and hands were covered in blood.

"Bella?" he started to poke her body with a stick from the tree.

"Bellllaaaaaaaa... ... Okaybye!!"

And he ran as fast as he could to the Cullen domain in Forks.

* * *

**RAWER NOW REVIEW AND INSPIRE ME!**


End file.
